So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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