you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
