I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
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I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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