is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
