I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
