New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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