I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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