Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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