I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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