Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
