Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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