dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
