I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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