Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
