remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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