YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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