so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
