if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
