im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
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My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
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So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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