Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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