YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
