go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
