but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
