this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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