Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
