i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
