Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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