conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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