Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
