Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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