it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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