Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
