so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
