even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
