what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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