She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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