Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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