That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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