Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
