Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My balls are so social today.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I need to sanitize my soul.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
