We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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