i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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