38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
