he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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