i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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