FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
