Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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