So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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