Everything about him screamed your future.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
