My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
