mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
