Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
