hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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