thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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