The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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