why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
