I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
