it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
