I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
