We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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