there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
