Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize