when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
