I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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