At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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