After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
