I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
