Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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