i need an iv and a liver transplant
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
