is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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