if i can run in heels then i can drive
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
