i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
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I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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