I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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