I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
