She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
