my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
