She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize