I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
there is glitter all over my balls
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
