my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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