Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
