I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail