so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..