Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.