i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.