I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
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I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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