fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
