Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have fence marks all over my body
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
