Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
